Ugh...the morning started off less than desirable. I couldn't fall asleep, again so when I finally did nod off it was close to 2 am with my alarm set for 530 to complete a workout and shower before work. Connor woke me up at 430 and I should have just gotten up but I was so tired I went back to sleep and didn't hear my alarm until 645...well after I needed to get up =/ Jumped in the shower, didn't have time to get breakfast (HUGE mistake), grabbed lunch out of the freezer and rushed to work.
I told myself that I would have a good day. After a shitty weekend I had to. If I'm going to change my attitude, I have to do it little by little and refusing to go in in a bad mood is a start, a small one but a start nonetheless. Headache got bad around 9 am and my stomach started getting really bad around 11. I didn't pack any snacks today and I don't know if it was because of that or the lack of breakfast. Right now its just after 1800 and I feel run down. Work today was more mentally draining then usual, I got a ton of transfer files, more than the norm for a Monday plus the lack of sleep is trying. I also think that the conscious knowledge of the calorie restriction being back into affect is making me constantly feel hungry. I'm not a huge eater as it is, most likely a left over side effect from being an anorexic for years but the past few weeks the food I was putting wasn't the best, but all day I have wanted to eat. Bored eating, maybe. I'm not dehydrated, I've had over a gallon of water as well...
Due to not waking up when I wanted to I didn't get to weigh in either. I'm not too upset about that though. I'm a little afraid actually. Craig switched my scale to KG while he was here and I can't figure how to change it back. I know I lost 15 lbs in the first 2 weeks after he went home due to the deep depression I plunged into upon his departure but due to my shitty eating habits and poor sleep patterns, I'm not surprised if I gained all that back.
Hopefully tomorrow is a better day... but on the brighter side, I started the day telling myself that I loved myself...fake it til ya make it Bec, fake it til ya make it...
Hey Beckie, I just read your whole blog and feel as if I could have written much of it. Girl you are such a beautiful person, BUT with that said I know exactly how you feel. I do not just want to be a beautiful person, I want to BE beautiful and to me that means losing weight, a never ending battle, so just know that you are not alone in this, and I will pray for you every time I struggle with something weight/food related...haha which means you will most likely get prayed for ALOT!!!!
ReplyDeleteA little advice that seriously works, and if you can't afford it please tell me as I have a whole gallon of the stuff -okay get coconut oil and use it in or on anything you can think of, it is an amazing food that makes you feel full for a long time, I swear by the stuff after I read a book called eat fat lose fat, which was all about coconut in our diet (now if you tell your doctor about this they will tell you how bad it is for you, blah, blah, blah!) I have seen it work in my life, seriously call me and I will give you some to try okay.
Thanks Kelly. I had a ton of anger at the beginning of the separation and was going to use this as an outlet...Life, rasising a baby and work got in the way and I didn't put nearly as much as I wanted into this but that's changing now. Thank you for the prayers and the support. It means a lot to me. I can use all the encouragement and prayers I can get. Thanks for taking the time to read it!! :)
Delete